My Angel
by Kimberly-Marcia99
Summary: What if things had turned out a little differently in the season 8 finale? Spoiler for season 8. My first CM fic.


As I sat, listening to John Curtis aka The Replicator go on and on about me receiving a second chance with the bureau, my mind was in a completely different universe. I did not even try to escape or bargain my way out of here. There was an itching part of me that wanted to run...scream..cry but I was not allowing this lowlife to see me so vulnerable before him. That would mean he had succeeded. He would have brought me to an emotional puddle of tears, my high pitched screams clouding both our eardrums and then he'd want me to beg. Beg him for some sort of forgiveness, I guess. Beg him to let me go but as I said before, there was only a part of me that wanted to live through this situation. The place was rigged with bombs; There was no surviving this anyway.

I know, you're now thinking that I'm suicidal and believe me, you would be right in those assumptions. After Ethan died when he was nine, I just haven't been the same woman ever since. It's hard for any mother when they lose a child but when it's your only baby...The baby you fought so hard to protect...The baby you waited nine cruel, pain filled months to see...The baby that found security, safety and love in your arms. Then that baby becomes a toddler. A toddler needs even more protection as they're toddling along from one room to the next, getting into all sorts of mischief. A toddler that is frightened to let go of your protective hand when they're crossing an old bridge...A toddler that won't sleep at night without his favorite fluffy, blue blanket...A toddler whose fallen cries could be heard from the planet, Jupiter, then mommy comes along and presses her soft, pale pink lips to the boo boo, giving the toddler a sense of safety and holding him in you're loving arms as he cries into your chest, gently swaying and tussling his brown locks with your hand, repeating the soothing words into his willing ears, "It's alright Ethan, Mommy's here...It's okay, baby." Then that same toddler takes the step into childhood and he becomes independent and his personality begins to shine through. It's obvious that he's got his father's charming characteristics but he also possess a great intelligence. Well, not to be boasting but his parents are a linguistic and a doctor. That same child could read at a fourth grade level when he was just an eight year old...Eight...The age where everything went downhill much too fast.

First, there was the painful screams and cries in the middle of the night. Me and James never really slept much during those hard times after Ethan's diagnosis. James and I would both rush in to his bedroom together. James would get his necessary medicines that were left in our room and I would take Ethan in my arms just as I did when he would fall. I'd whisper those same words into his ears, "It's alright Ethan, Mommy's here...It's okay, baby." Then he would start coughing up dark red blood and the red liquid would then escape through his nose, ruining whatever pj top I had on that night. He'd cry as the blood erupted from his chest and my soothing was nothing more than a blur to him. James would see the tears clouding my dark brown eyes and I would look up to see his, occasionally there were tears streaming down his face. But on that night, we both knew all too well what would happen; We just did not want to believe it was his time to go. James fed him his medicine, not wanting Ethan to see him in tears but he had noticed...He noticed my shaky breath as I spoke and he glanced up to me and smiled weakly in my direction. I felt his soft skin turn cold, as his body began to lose all feeling and heat. "No no no..." I exclaimed loudly in a panicked tone. "It's gonna be alright...Look at me...Look at me. Ethan...Ethan." I lay him down on his bed, his head resting against the cushy, plump pillows and James and I each took one of his hands. James whispered to him first, reciting his love for our dying baby, telling him that we would see him again soon, all he had to do was be patient but that we might not look the image as we did now. He whispered he loved him once more and kissed his forehead. Then James kissed me gently, making sure Ethan saw through his half open, dilated eyes how much we loved and cared for each other.

Then it was my turn. My turn to say my painful farewells to my baby boy. I shone him a soft, bright smile hiding the fear and loss as Ethan had always said that I had a pretty smile. "Ethan, mommy and daddy love you so so much. You're going to miss us and we will miss you..." I could feel the tears escaping my tear ducts. I took a deep breath. I needed to be very strong for my son. "We won't forget you, baby. I love you, Ethan James. I love you so much." I kissed his lips that were already becoming transparent in color. I loosened my grip slightly of his small hand and pecked it gently. "It's okay to go, Ethan. You can go. Just let go, baby. Don't be afraid." I looked at James who's eyes were locked on our son. James repeated my words and wrapped an arm protectively around my waist, kissing my forehead. We both held his hands as his eyes fluttered closed tightly and all color was drained from his now, lifeless body. That's when I broke down. The wet, sorrowful tears ran down my face and James soothed me as I did with Ethan. "It's alright, Alex I'm here, baby. I love you so much." I wailed loudly into his bare chest and I kissed the skin. "I love you." I stated shakily, pain evident in my usually silky voice before I reached up and kissed him.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a loud, ringing noise and the small but forceful and powerful bomb exploded, taking me away from John and the horrors of this world. I whimpered slightly as I felt my life slipping away from me. Fortunately, it wasn't enough to blow me to smithereens. John wanted me to suffer. He wanted me to be in agonising pain but then why hadn't he tortured me? I fought my hardest to keep my eyes open and to keep my breathing constant. I winced when something landed on my arm, possibly breaking the bone. There was blood all over my hands, legs and everywhere in between. As i stared at the heavy object on my arm, I swore i heard a soft, recognizable voice whispering to me. "Come with me, mommy." I swore I heard Ethan whisper to me. "Come on, mommy, Let's go play!" There it was again. "You need to let go mommy! Like you told me! Let go!" He still had his adorable, typical childish voice.

Unbeknownst to myself, I had shut my eyes tightly and a surge of white light came towards me. There, I saw my mother, my brother Danny but most importantly, the boy who was holding both their hands. He let go of the adults and ran towards me, his arms open wide and tears in his brown eyes. Ethan was just how I remembered him. I ran to him, hoisted him into my arms and kissed his chubby cheek. I cuddled him tightly, not wanting to release him, just in case he would disappear on me again. He didn't look sick..He looked perfect and happy just like any other nine year old. I put him on the ground and smiled warmly down at him. Ethan held his right hand out to me and I took it in my hand. It was the exact way I remember it...The scar from where he fell as a toddler remained. "Come on, mommy!" He smiled up at me with beaming, angelic eyes as he led me into the bright white light.

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**Please tell me what you think! It's my first criminal minds fic so be kind :) :)**

**Anyway, I hope you liked it and yes, I know it's a little depressing but this idea wouldn't get out of my head.***


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